Time to Heal
by Tauna Petit-Strawn
Summary: A 'what if' taken from 'The Fallen Hawk'. After his friend is thrown from the horse Heath paid him to ride and killed, Heath blames himself. When he hears overhears a portion of Nick's words, and takes it wrong, he leaves the ranch. Will he return?
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own 'The Big Valley' nor any of the original Barkley characters. **

**This is a 'whaf if' that started bugging me after watching 'The Fallen Hawk'. If they mentioned Ward having a brother I missed it...as far as I know, I just made mention of one for the sake of the story.**

**Time to Heal**

**Chapter One**

**Opening Scene**

Heath stood next to the corral staring at nothing in particular. His mind ran over the events of the tragic event that had taken place just hours before. What had possessed him to ask a man who'd never broke a horse to try it? Oh, sure, he was tired of the way Ward was always borrowing money for dreams that were never achieved, due to his own unwillingness to make them happen, stll he could have found something else for his friend to do. Now he was dead and Nora was a widow.

_'Stay away from here! It's your fault he's dead!' _Nora had screamed and slammed the door to her house in his face. He didn't blame her. Slowly he turned and started for the house feeling worse than he had in a long time. As he drew near the slightly opened door he stopped dead in his tracks, shocked at the words he heard Nick was just finishing saying.

"...ashamed to admit he's a brother." Pain shot through every inch of Heath as he slipped away.

"What was that?" Audra turned towards the open door, "You don't think Ward's brother's here already do you?"

"Naw, like I just said. That man is ashamed to admit Ward was his brother, seems like Ward did nothing but borrow money from anyone he could." Nick answered as he went to the door and opened it all the way. Heath was just disappearing into the barn

"What's he doing out at this time of night?" Audra hurried over and watched Heath disappear out of sight.

"For whatever Ward was he was still Heath's friend," Nick shook his head, "He's just a tad restless. He'll be back in here after awhile. I don't know about you, but, I'm heading to bed."

**SCENE ONE**

"He said what!" Nick shouted as he stood outside the corral talking to McCall. He'd spent the better part of the morning trying to find his brother. He'd finally cornered their foreman to see if he'd seen Heath..

"I told him he was wrong. I told him no one blamed him for what happened and he was still very much a part of your family," McCall answered, "He said he heard you himself. He said you were ashamed to call him your brother."

Nick couldn't believe his ears, "He only heard the last half of one of my sentences then!" He was bellowing so loud McCall had to take a step backwards. The sight of their long time foreman doing that got Nick to lower his voice, slightly, "I wasn't talking about him and I wasn't talking 'bout me!" He turned around and hurried back into the house.

"He what!" Victoria's face filled with horror, as did Jarrod's and Audra's.

"I swear," Nick shook his head, "If I had known he had overheard that part of Audra's and mine conversation last night I'd have hightailed it out to the barn right then!"

"I'd have gone with him, mother!" Audra hated the idea of Heath thinking they blamed him for what had happened, or that they were ashamed of him. Okay, not knowing why he'd let Ward try to break the horse, they couldn't understand it; only, they didn't blame him for the accident either. After all, Ward was a full grown man, he could have said no.

"I have to go into town anyway," Jarrod stood up and headed for the door, "I'll send a few telegrams out to places he might go."

Nick grabbed his hat, "I'll tell McCall to run things for a few days. I'm heading to Strawberry. He might have headed there. He's been talking about it lately."

"Mother?" Audra looked at Victoria. While the woman was very well composed her daughter could still see the concern in her eyes.

"He'll be okay," Victoria stood up and started walking out of the living room, "They'll find him." '_They just have to, we're still family and this is still his home!'_

**00000**

Heath had pushed Charger hard all through the night not caring what direction he was going, or where he might wind up. He was finally getting tired though and looked around for a place to rest. He could see a small white house off in the distance. Maybe, the people who lived there would at least let him rest in the barn he saw standing not that far from the house.

Twelve year old Andrea, saw the rider coming. She ran into the house to get her grandmother, soon both were standing on the porch. "Howdy, ma'am," Heath took off his hat and gave them both a slight smile, "I need a place to rest. I was hoping to bed down in your barn if I may."

The woman smiled, "Name's Mrs. Jacobs and you'll be doin' no such thing. That barn isn't fit for a man to rest in. You come on in, I was just about ready to put breakfast on. You can eat with us then rest in the house."

Heath might have argued only he was just too tired, "I'd just as soon sleep first, Mrs. Jacobs. I don't rightly know if I could stay awake long enough to eat."

The older woman looked him over and shook her head, "You do look a might tired. You'll have to just tie your horse to the fence over there," she nodded towards the barn, "Our small stable burnt down just a few days ago, gonna take time to rebuild it." she said as she disappeared into the house.

It wasn't long before Heath was asleep in the room Mrs. Jacob's had shown him.

**SCENE TWO**

Jarrod and Victoria were standing near the living room window when they saw Nick ride in, alone and looking quite upset. "He didn't find him." Victoria made the simple statement then turned and walked slowly to the hearth. It had been four days since Heath took off, four days with nothing coming from the telegrams Jarrod had sent and now Nick had come home alone.

"We'll do whatever we can to find him, mother." Jarrod walked up to her and laid his hand on her shoulder. They had to find him, even Nora had shocked them by practically begging them to do so. Her exact words were _'I shouldn't have said what I did and do what I did. I was just so angry, still am in a lot of ways only it ain't Heath's fault Ward was fool 'nough to try it. I never should have blamed Heath.' _

Jarrod couldn't have agreed more when he'd heard those words, only he wasn't going to say so.

None of them were surprised when Nick slammed the door behind him as he entered the house. The frustration the dark haired rancher was feeling could be seen in his furrowed eyebrows and downright annoyed look that was upon his face.

"No luck, I assume." Jarrod waited until Nick had poured himself a drink.

"No one in Strawberry has seen hide nor hair of him!" Nick would have slammed the bottle in his hands down if he wasn't afraid of sending glass everywhere.

Silence hug in the air as they all thought on the brother who had ridden away thinking he couldn't stay. "I have to go into Sacramento tomorrow," Jarrod finally broke the eerie silence that had their nerves all on edge, "I'll get someone to start helping us to look." '_Oh, brother, sure would have been better if you'd stuck around to find out if you had really heard correctly or not._' Guess when one is in that much pain they don't always think straight.

**0000**

When Heath finally opened his eyes it took a moment for it all to come back to him. Hurt and pain shot through every inch of his body, his friend was dead because of him and the brother who he so greatly admired was ashamed to call him brother. If Nick felt that way surely the rest of the family did too. For a moment he couldn't seem to get himself to move, but then he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and sat up. He had to get up sometime, even if he didn't feel like it.

"Looks like the dead awakens," an elderly gentleman chuckled as Heath stepped out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, "Come sit down, my name is Kyle Jacobs and yours is?" the man asked after Heath had sat down at the table.

"Heath." he wanted to say Barkley too only he no longer felt worthy to use the name.

Surely the man had more of a name than that, Mr. Jacobs might have asked for more too only his wife was 'giving him the eye'. "Where you headin' if I may be so bold to ask." the gentleman looked at Heath.

"Don't rightly know," Heath moved back slightly making it so Mrs. Jacob could put the plate of food she had for him on the table, "know of anyone needin' temporary help?"

The Jacobs started grinning, "In matter of fact we do," Mr. Jacobs chuckled, "My cousin's son is moving to Nevada. He has bought a small ranch. He was just here yesterday asking us to keep our ears open for anyone willing to hire on for a spell. He'll be back tomorrow. You can stick around and talk to him if you'd like."

Nevada. Heath sighed inside, guess it wouldn't make any difference if he left California. "I'll stick around."


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own 'The Big Valley' nor any of the original Barkley characters.**

**This is a 'whaf if' that started bugging me after watching 'The Fallen Hawk'. (And no, it'snotthe one I've been asking questions for. That one is still on the backburner).**

**TIME TO HEAL**

**Chapter Two**

**Scene Three**

Heath was splitting some wood for the Jacobs when he saw a rider approaching. The man's reddish hair stuck out like a sore thumb and he was as thin as a beanpole. He wasn't surprised when Mrs. Jacobs stepped out and hollered inside to her husband, "Jeffery's here!" The elderly gentleman commented on the red hair the night before.

"Good to see you, Jeffery!" Mrs. Jacobs embraced the gentleman once he'd dismounted his horse.

"Good to see you too," he looked over at Heath, "I see you finally got some help around here. It's about time."

"Heath isn't working for us, lad" her husband stepped out of the house, "He's here waiting on you."

Surprise shone on 'the lad's' face. "For me?"

"I told him 'bout you needing help." Mr. Jacobs answered as he walked up beside his wife.

The couple was surprised when Jeffery put his hands in his pockets and shrugged, "The deal sort of fell though, but" he looked at Heath, "If'n you're looking for work, you can come with me. I"m heading down into Arizona. My brother has a ranch down there and has agreed to hire me, even told me to bring help if I wanted to."

"If I can travel to Nevada," Heath split the last of the wood, "I can go with you to Arizona." After all, what did it matter what state he worked in, at least he had work.

"Fine, only I warn you," Jeffery chuckled, "I have a way of givin' folks nicknames. As long as I don't come up with something offensive or insultive, are you gonna be upset?"

Heath chuckled slightly, "I've been called a lot of things. I reckon, you can call me whatever you want."

"Good, until I find a good nickname for you, I'll just call you Cal 'cause I met you in California." the man wasn't surprised when Mr. Jacobs shook his head. His father's cousin had never understood why he felt the need to give people names besides the ones they were already going by. "We'll be needing to get moving though."

"All right." Heath went to put up the ax he'd been using and to get his things.

"He's carryin' quite a load." Jeffery watched as Heath disappeared into the barn.

He'd been around the block enough to know a troubled man when he saw one.

"We know but, no, we didn't ask. It's not polite to go asking people about their past. Maybe you can be of help to him. You always did have a way of getting people to open up and talk."

That may be true, only Jeffery got the strongest impression it would take someone besides him to get the stranger to open up. As soon as Heath was ready the two bade the Jacobs goodbye and rode away.

**Scene Four**

McCall and the rest of the ranch hands kept busy and did what they could to stay out of Nick's way. It had been three weeks since Heath had left and no one was having any luck finding him, it had made their boss ornerier than ever.

Just that morning he'd gotten into a fight with their long time foreman, McCall.

"Nick," Jarrod walked up as Nick finished breaking in yet another horse, "We need to talk."

"So, talk." Nick bit the words off and spat them out. He waited for McCall to get him another horse.

"Not here," Jarrod nodded, "In the den."

"I've got horses to break in! I..." Nick started bellowing only to find Jarrod raising his hand.

"I know that," Jarrod knew his brother was dealing with Heath's absense the only way he knew how; still, "We need to talk inside."

Nick hesitated a moment then hollered over to McCall, "I'll be back out as soon as I can!" The man wasn't about to argue, as he already knew what Jarrod wanted.

Once inside the den Jarrod started talking, "Nick, you have got to get a hold of yourself. It is no more right for you to blame yourself for Heath taking off than it is for Heath to be blaming himself for what happened to Ward."

"And who says I don't have 'a hold of myself'?" Nick exploded.

Jarrod voice was not as loud; however, he still made himself clear, "McCall is threatening to quit, Nick, as are half the ranch hands. You've gotten down right impossible," he softened the tone in his voice as shock registered on his brother's face, "We all feel bad that Heath is out there somewhere thinking things he shouldn't be and," he sighed, "We know out of all of us you're hurting the worst. Once he got under your skin, he got in deep."

Nick felt a thousand emotions running through him, his voice sort of rough as he answered, "He shouldn't have taken off."

Jarrod shrugged his shoulders and leaned against his desk. He knew that; everyone knew it, still, "Think you can get a grip on things or do you need to go take a few days off?"

'_This is a working ranch_..' Nick could hear himself hollering on more than occasions only to have Heath turn around and prove he needn't have been raising his voice, "I'll apologize to McCall and the others first," Nick turned to leave, "be sort of nice to still have some help around when I get back."

"That would help." Jarrod couldn't help but chuckle as his brother walked out of the den.

**0000**

Jeffery threw another piece on the campfire Heath had built. It was getting dark, and a bit on the chilly side. "So, Cal, may I ask you where you're from?" He figured he could ask that much without crossing any forbidden lines.

Heath couldn't help but chuckle somewhat as he replied, "California?"

Jeffery busted up laughing so hard his sides got to hurting, which earned him another small grin from Heath. "I guess, I asked for that one." Jeffery chuckled as he got a hold of himself, "I'm from Oregon myself, but my parents moved to California when I was fifteen. I don't know how the blazes my brother wound up in Arizona. That's something I'm still tryin' to figure out. I hope you like noise, or at least know how to hide in a bunkhouse." the man started laughing again.

"Large family, huh?" Heath sat back against the boulder that set behind him.

"Yep, six sons and three daughters, only seven live at home though. At least, last time I heard it was only the two oldest sons that have married."

"I'm good at hiding when the need arises." Heath lay down as to avoid anymore conversation. The talk of family; it was hurting his heart again.


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own 'The Big Valley' nor any of the original Barkley characters.**

**TIME TO HEAL**

**Chapter Three**

**Scene Five**

Heath couldn't believe the good timing he and Jeffery had made since leaving California. The trip to Jeffery's brother's place had been a rather uneventful one, thank goodness. He'd even gotten used to being called Cal by everyone they passed; he never even bothered giving anyone a last name.

Now he stood by Charger listening to the man's sister-in-law put down her foot. If he wasn't hurting so bad he might have laughed at the sight.

"Don't argue with me, Jeffery Miles!" the man's sister in law, Sue Ellen, pointed towards the bathhouse her husband had built, "I've already got the water ready. I don't care which one of you goes first, but baths _will _be taken before your things are put up! The two of you smell to high heaven!"

"I'll go first if you want to rest up a bit," Heath looked at Jeffery, "I don't mind, really."

"Thanks, but no thanks," he said as Heath the headed for the stables.

Sue watched as Heath disappeared into a stable. She couldn't help but feel sorry for the man. The sadness he had inside of him shone in his eyes; she could see it. "Does he ever smile?" she looked at Jeffery who had turned to go to the bathhouse.

He looked back, "Not really."

That was too bad. He had an air of kindness and gentleness about him, too bad he didn't let it out. Not having the time to stand around, Sue Ellen hurried back into the house.

**0000**

Mrs. Miles was in the kitchen with her oldest daughter cooking lunch when he opened the front door and stepped into the living room. Mr. Miles came out of the bedroom door that set off to the left of the room, "Jeffery said you're looking for work, mind if I ask you a few questions?"

"You can always ask," Heath answered with no emotion in his voice or in his eyes. Mr. Miles had seen a lot of men in his time, worked with a lot of them. The man's 'blank' face and flat voice made him wonder what past the man was running from, only he wasn't going to ask, he needed the help too bad.

"What's your name?"

"Heath," he paused, again wanting to say Barkley, but he couldn't, "Thompson. Jeffery insists on calling me Cal."

Mr. Miles chuckled, "He does have a knack of putting names on people even if they don't need it. I'm not for much for formalities. Which do you prefer? Heath, Mr. Thompson or Cal?"

Heath shrugged his shoulders slightly, "Don't reckon it makes much difference."

Mrs. Miles turned her head and looked at her husband, the look on her face was one of pity. "Guess, if it doesn't make any difference, we'll just stick with Cal, no reason for you to go around being called two different names, and Jeffery won't drop Cal. Once you've cleaned up I'll show you to the bunkhouse."

**Scene Six**

Heath soaked in the round silver tub; the water felt good on his tired muscles. He tried to relax, but his mind kept wandering back to Ward Whitcomb.

"_..really do need that money, old buddy'. "...give you a chance to earn it." "How?" "Break that bronc." _Ward being thrown from the horse and into the fence, kept flashing in front of his eyes.

He jerked, opened his eyes, and sat straight up when a towel hit his face. A lad who looked to be around ten stood in the door way grinning at him, "Ma said it's time to get out."

"All right." Heath waited until the boy had shut the door before getting out, drying off, and putting the clean clothes he'd bought on the way down.

With his mind still on Ward, and Nick's words '..._ashamed to admit he's a brother_' still in his mind, Heath bumped into the Mile's oldest daughter; she was heading to the clothesline with a basketful of wet clothes. "Sorry, miss."

A smile spread over her face, touching both sides of it, "Miss is my younger sisters. My name is Lorilee, and, from I hear, we're to call you Cal," she shook her head slightly, "I hope Jeffery doesn't get too much on your nerves. He does have a few strange habits."

The corner of Heath's mouth turned up ever so slightly, "I reckon most men do."

"Guess so," she continued towards the clothes line. For a split second Heath could see Nora hanging up clothes; except for Lorilee's dishwater blonde hair the two women shared the same build. Shaking his head slightly, Heath headed into the house.

**0000**

Heath was sure he'd heard less noise at one of the many horse auctions he'd been to than there was around the Mile's table. Lorilee felt sorry for her father's new help; she could see how uncomfortable 'Cal' was; she might have said something, but her father beat her to it, "Quiet down children, the noise has gotten beyond ridiculous." After supper Heath slipped outside. As soon as she was through helping her mother and sisters clean up, Lorilee slipped out too.

Heath was sitting on the bench that sat on the porch, her father had built it the month before, "Our family gets quite talkative at times. It can get on a body's nerves."

He didn't want her thinking they were to blame. It wasn't the noise that had really bothered him. "Don't worry 'bout it," he continued looking off into space. As curious as she was to what was troubling the man, Lorilee knew better than to ask a man about his past, when he hadn't done anything to warrant it that is.

Knowing how much talking Jeffery had done during supper, and how he had embarrassed their guest, Lorilee spoke up, "I apologize for Jeffery too. He has some nerve trying to play matchmaker every chance he gets. I guess, I'll have to apologize to cousin Sue too, she told me once he was like that. I didn't believe her. The only thing he got right was that I was engaged once, but he died in a freak accident a couple of years ago."

"Accidents claim a lot lives," Heath turned his head away and, again, looked at nothing in particular. The sadness in his voice told Lorilee she'd just, very unintentionally, hit the nail on the head.

"I'm sorry," she leaned up against the house as she spoke.

"Don't be. You did nothing wrong," Heath answered as he continued looking away. She knew that, but she was still sorry. She couldn't shake the feeling that he was blaming himself for whatever accident he had witnessed.

"I best get inside. I may be twenty years old, but they'll still talk if I'm out here to long." She looked at Heath, "You goin' be okay?" Why did she ask and why did it matter? Those were two questions she couldn't answer.

"Huh huh," Heath mumbled as his thoughts continued to roam.


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not own 'The Big Valley' nor any of the original Barkley characters.**

**Thanks to my Beta Reader, though all mistakes are still my own.**

**TIME TO HEAL**

**Chapter Four**

**Scene Seven**

Mrs. Miles stood on the porch still very much appalled. Her husband, Jeffery, 'Cal' and a few others were getting ready to drive some cattle to the outskirts of Genoa, where they had a buyer waiting. "How can you stand there and consent to this, Lynn?" They had a cook that could go with them, a very good one at that, all they had to do was ask him.

"Sue Ellen, stop this. Lorilee? She's a grown woman; I'll be there plus two of her brothers. If she wants to go along and do the cooking for us I'll not be stopping her; besides," he lowered his voice, "she's already seen, and been through, more than any young woman should have to. A cattle drive is gonna seem like a piece of heaven. Besides, it's not going to be that long of a drive."

Sue Ellen cringed inside. She knew full well her husband was right. Lorilee _had_ seen more than her share of troubles, they all had. "I suppose I've got too much to do to worry 'bout it," she hurried back into the house.

Heath, who had been standing closer to the Miles than anyone else actually caught what Lorilee's father said when he lowered his voice. It made him wonder just what _had _she been through. It wasn't his place to ask though, he said nothing as he mounted Charger while the men mounted their horses and Lorilee climbed onto the chuck wagon.

**0000**

They'd been on the trail almost two hours when Mr. Miles rode up beside Heath, "I've been meaning to talk to you only I keep letting life get in the way." He'd just finishing getting a wayward cow back with the group.

"What 'bout?" Heath kept his eyes straight ahead.

"The fellow that is buying these here cattle asked me if we had anyone that could break in a horse for him, none of the men here have ever broken one in and I forgot to ask you. I'm supposed to ride into the first town we come to and send him a telegram if we can help him. Have you broken in horses before?"

Sharp pains tore through his muscles as if someone was doing surgery on him, without giving him anything first. "I have," he answered as he tightened his grip on the reins in his hands. It did not go unnoticed by his employer.

"You do not have to do it if you don't wish," Lynn started to move away from him, "Just think about it if you would."

_'Stay with him Heath, you've got him..' 'You've got him, can I bring anything from town?" Audra's voice rang in his ears, along with his answer, "Yeah, a nice soft pillow!" _He closed his eyes for a split second as he saw Ward landing on the _cold hard_ _ground_, never to move again.

"Hey," Mr. Miles tapped him on the shoulder, "You with us?" The man's reaction worried him. Maybe, he shouldn't have asked him.

"I'm fine. Don't worry, I'll break in the horse for him," Heath spurred Charger forward. He needed his mind on work not the past; he couldn't do anything about it, the past that is.

**SCENE EIGHT**

Heath sat on a boulder, on the south side of camp, while Jeffery and a couple others took their different positions. The sun had set some time ago. When he heard footsteps coming toward him he turned his head. It was Lorilee. She had brought some food with her.

"You didn't eat supper, and I know I didn't burn the beans," she gave him a soft smile and handed him the plate of food. Heath didn't wish to offend her, nor her brother who he could see stood roughly a hundred yards away.

"Thanks," he took the offered plate and started eating. Lorilee turned around and walked way.

"He could have eaten with the rest of us," Joseph said, with a tad bit of annoyance in his voice, as they headed back to the wagon.

"Could he?" she remembered the five years she lived with her aunt and uncle, the months on end she'd watched, and even helped, the woman with the sick, injured, and even dying soldiers that seemed to find their way to the Hamilton home. She'd only been ten or eleven, but the memories had stuck. "He's been wounded somehow," she turned back and looked at the man that had caught her eye from the moment he and Jeffery had ridden up to her parents home, "and he's been wounded bad."

Joseph wasn't going to argue with her. The Civil War had ended when he was only seven. His father had returned from the war, gathered his family up from the various places they'd been staying due to his absence and the health issues his wife had been having, and moved to Nevada. He might not be able to see the man's wounds, but if his sister said 'Cal' was wounded then he was.

Heath watched as Joseph and Lorilee walked away. He watched them talk, and even laugh a bit. At least, it looked like the two were laughing. He sighed as he made himself eat most of what had been brought to him. They said time healed all things. He wondered how long it would be before he felt whole again.

**0000**

Heath pushed his horse forward trying to shake the sick feeling that had been gnawing at him for the past couple of days, only it was starting to get the better of him. In spite of his best efforts both Lynn and Joseph noticed, and by the time they stopped to eat a bit of food Mr. Miles was insisting that he lay down inside the wagon for a spell.

"He can't be pushing himself for awhile, Father," Lorilee climbed out of the back of the wagon an hour later, "He's running a fever and has a bit of the chills." She figured the things he'd started muttering were things she did not need to repeat. After all, even if she could separate fact from disillusions, she would still have no business repeating everything he'd said.

"Just what we need," Lynn ran his hand through his hair, "guess, we can't do anything about it. You stay with him," he looked at Lorilee then turned to his son, "You'll have to drive the wagon."


	5. Chapter 5

**I do not own 'The Big Valley' nor any of the original Barkley characters.**

**Thanks to my Beta Reader, though all mistakes are my own.**

**TIME TO HEAL**

**Chapter Five**

**Scene Nine**

Minutes mingled with hours, then hours turned to days. Heath tossed and turned in the wagon crying out now and then. Lorilee stayed by his side for the most part; if she had to cook meals then Joseph stayed with him.

Lorilee had just sat back down by him when he shot up, his eyes open wide; she could tell he was 'seeing' something, but it wasn't her. "Ward!" he screamed, "Stay away from the horse! I'll find you something else, I promise!" It was all she could do to get the man to lie back down.

"I'm sorry, Nora, I'm sorry. You shouldn't have be a widow..." his voice trailed off. Once again, he slipped into an uneasy sleep.

Lorilee shook her head as she took the rag and wiped his feverish brow. "Poor man," she whispered, "Whoever this Ward fellow was, you got to stop blaming yourself. I wish I knew how to help you." He'd said enough over the past few days for her to know the man he was dreaming about no longer walked among the living.

As she kept an eye on him her mind wandered back through the years. '_Hurry up, child!' her aunt had scolded her as she'd grabbed what cloth Lorilee had been able to cut into strips. 'There's men in here needin' tendin' ta and I can't be waitin' on ya!" That had made her mad. Her aunt yelling at her just because she couldn't seem to cut the cloth into strips as fast as the lady wanted them._

_'Hey, pretty thing,' a man laying on one of the cots her aunt had set out had looked at her and said a few other things that had shocked the dickens out of her. Her aunt brushed it off saying the man was 'not in his right mind'. She'd said, 'Don't pay no mind. I'm afraid that one will be gone by mornin'.' He was._

She'd gone from cutting the cloths to helping her aunt actually put them on the men, all because her assistant had run off with one of the men when he'd healed. By the time the war was over, and her father had picked her up, Lorilee had had her fill of nursing.

At sixteen she'd gotten her teaching certificate; by eighteen she was engaged but her fiance had been killed by a pair of run away horses. She'd moved back home and got stuck with helping teaching her younger brothers and sisters.

She was brought out her thoughts when Heath opened up his eyes, pain showing brighter than the noonday sun, "Nick! I'm sorry!"

She didn't know who Nick was, but she figured she'd best say something, or he might try sitting up again, "Nick knows you're sorry," she laid her hand on his shoulder, "just rest." Heath stared up at her for a moment then shut his eyes; finally he seemed to slip into a deep sleep. '_Whoever you are, Nick_,' she kept her eyes on Heath, _'sure hope you've done what I just said you did. He may very well have heard me!'_

**Scene Ten**

Heath climbed slowly out of the wagon. His body still ached a bit, but his fever was gone and he'd finally gotten enough strength to be up and about. He could see Mr. Miles talking to a stranger and found shock waves going through him. They couldn't be at their destination already. How long had he been sick?

Lorilee walked up to him and smiled, "Good to see you out of that wagon, Cal. You scared us all, thought we might very well be burying you. Sure glad we didn't have to." S

"Me too," Heath nodded towards her father and the stranger, "Don't tell me he's the buyer."

She smiled, "Okay, I won't." When he actually gave her a small lopsided grin she thought she'd faint. She didn't think the man knew how to smile at all.

"How am I going to earn any pay if I lay around sick most of the time?" he shook his head. He couldn't live on not nothing.

"Don't worry. We have another day ahead of us. I don't know all the details, only it seems Mr. Tillman ran into a bit of trouble. He's willing to pay a bit extra if we help him and the few men he brought with him move the cattle to where he'll be keeping them for now."

"Good," Heath stopped her as she started to walk away, "Thanks. I mean, thank you for tending to me this whole time. It couldn't have been easy what with the cooking, and the mending your father and the others have been throwing your way. If there's a way I can repay your kindness..."

Lorilee fidgeted a bit then smiled, "Don't worry 'bout it. You were sick, you needed help and, from what I can see, you best not push it too hard yet." He figured she said that because of how slow he was moving around. He couldn't help it; his muscles were still aching.

She started to leave then turned back, Heath still had his eyes on her, "You know, things in life happen that we don't have any control over. We can either hold onto them or move on; moving on is much more rewarding." Lorilee then turned and hurried to start yet another supper for the men. Heath wondered if she was talking from her own experiences, just what he might have said, or if she'd said those words because of the combination of the two.

"So you finally stopped laying around," Joseph teased Heath as he rode up to the chuck wagon, "thought maybe you decided being sick was funner than herding cattle," he looked from his sister to Heath.

Heath only gave him a small smile. "Nurse may be nice, but being sick is for the birds." He didn't dare say much more than that, he was fighting the feelings that were trying to surface after the long hours she'd spent talking to him. How on earth could he entertain such thoughts? How could he ever hope someone like Lorilee would seriously look at someone like him? What did he have to offer her?


	6. Chapter 6

**I do not own 'The Big Valley' nor any of the original Barkley characters.**

**Thanks to my Beta Reader, though all mistakes are still my own.**

**TIME TO HEAL**

**Chapter Six**

**Scene Eleven**

The music that was playing kept people tapping their feet, even after they'd sat down. Mr. Tillman had invited Mr. Miles, his daughter, and the men to come to a social he was having out at his small ranch. They'd accepted.

Heath stood against the south wall watching people come and go. He soon noticed Lorilee was sitting alone at a corner table, and turning down every guy that asked her to dance. That puzzled him; she seemed so friendly to everyone when they first arrived. Why would she refuse to mingle now? He told himself it was none of his business, but he found himself making his way to the table at which she sat.

"You should be out there enjoyin' yourself." He pulled out a chair and sat down.

She grinned and chuckled, "That's the pot calling the kettle black. I haven't seen you out there dancing." She hadn't either. He too had been polite enough, but he hadn't moved away from 'his wall', until now.

She had him there. He'd been so busy wondering just what he'd let slip while he was running that blasted fever, the thought of dancing had never entered his mind. Lorilee seemed to know what was worrying him and she lowered her voice as she broke the silence that had fallen between them, "I promise, I haven't repeated a word you said while you were sick."

Heath stood up and nodded towards the door, "May we talk outside?" He found himself needing to know just what he'd said.

"Sure," she let him pull her chair out for her and stood up; soon they stood on the porch of the building that the people in Genoa used for their socials.

The sun was just beginning to set, and the air smelled fresh.

Heath finally turned to Lorilee, "Just what did I say and do while I was fighting that fever?"

Again, she felt bad for him. She wanted to take away all the guilt he felt, only she couldn't. He had to let it go. "You were begging forgiveness," she went on to talk about Ward, the horse and everything else she'd heard, "Accidents happen, Cal."

He knew she meant well, and he appreciated it, only, he shook his head, "I never should have told him to do it. He'd never broken in a horse before."

"Look at me," Lorilee spoke with such a firm tone of voice it caught Heath off guard, "There's a first time for everyone; I mean, when it comes to doing various things. This friend of yours, this Ward, he knew that. I mean, he knew it was his first time trying to break a horse. No one forced him to do it. Blaming yourself ain't right."

His head had told him the same thing over and over, only problem was, his heart never listened. He shook his head, "Do you know what it's like knowing you had a hand in getting someone killed?" he threw out the words so hard he was sure they would break wood, if it they actually came in contact with some that is. He was shocked when she pulled back and threw out her own anger.

"Yes, I do!" Lorilee exploded, "The last time I saw my fiance alive we had a fight. We saw the run away horses and I, basically, told him if he thought he was such a professional horseman he should go catch them only," tears started streaming down her face, "They caught him instead! I swore then I'd never let myself get close to someone else. I didn't want to be responsible for what might happen!" she jerked back as she surprised herself and started laughing, "Gee, now who's calling the kettle black? I've been doing the same thing! It looks like we've both been blaming ourselves for things that happened after we said things we wish we hadn't."

For a moment she said nothing then ventured to ask, "Is that why you left where ever it was you were living? Because of what happened to your friend?"

Heath sat down on the closet bench and shook his head, not believing he felt so at ease telling her things he thought for sure he'd never speak of, "I'm not the only one that blames myself for the accident. When your own family is ashamed of you what is there to do but leave?"

Before she could give him any sort of response, Joseph stepped out of the door. She wanted to laugh at the expression of annoyance on his face, "We weren't doing anything wrong; you don't need to worry. We'll be back in after a few minutes." Joseph couldn't help but grin as he went back inside.

"May I have this dance?" Heath stood up and held out his hand, giving her a small lopsided smile, guess he could offer her that much.

A smile as wide as the Pacific Ocean spread over her face as she took the offered hand and let him lead her back into the dance.

**SCENE TWELVE**

Lorilee watched as Mr. Tillman's men brought Heath the horse that needed breaking in. During the dance the night before, he had told more about his ranching experiences. She just had to watch him break in this horse.

Her father, brothers, and the rest of their hands stood by and watched as Heath sat down in the saddle; soon the horse was doing its best to throw its rider. "Stay with him, Cal!" Jeffery shouted. "You show him!" Another hand yelled. Lorilee found herself holding her breath more than once, but was glowing with happiness as the horse finally settled down and Heath dismounted.

"You did it!" Lorilee screamed louder than she meant to, it earned her a few looks but she didn't seem to care. Heath had actually given her one of his crooked smiles, and he _wasn't_ forcing it. That part, him not forcing the smile, really made her day.

Once Heath was standing next to Lorilee her father walked up. "Maybe I should ask you what your intentions towards my daughter are and," he added due to the look on Lorilee's face, "I don't care if you are a grown woman. You're _still_ my daughter."

What were his intentions? He had no home to offer her. He had no family. For that matter, he hadn't even told her about his being a bastard, still, "For now, I'd just like to get to know her, unless there's a problem," he looked at Lorilee.

"I won't object and," she jokingly glared at her father and brothers, they'd walked up beside Mr. Miles, "Neither will they." Well, they could try, but she wouldn't listen.

"Yes, ma'am," Joseph saluted her making them all laugh. He was always saluting her. He said it was his job to tease her; he just had to do it.

Later that night Heath sat around the campfire thinking about his own family and something he'd heard Lorilee saying to her father, "_I'm not repeating anything Cal said to me, father. The best thing I can do for him is to heal myself and be his friend. If something comes of it, fine. If not? I still have a friend_." After the man had left she, thinking she was speaking only to herself, had added, _'I just wish his family at least knew he was all right'._

Going through his saddlebags he found the small pencil Mr. Miles had asked him to keep, along with a piece of paper. He sat down and started writing.

**0000**

Victoria, Jarrod and Nick were in the living room talking about the Pinkerton's latest search, and the dead end it had led to, when Audra came hurrying into the house. "It's addressed to you, Nick!" she was beaming from ear to ear, "It's from Heath!" Nick snatched the letter she held out to him and ripped it open.

"What does he have to say?" Victoria looked up, the anxiety she felt for her missing son could be seen in the pleading look in her eyes.

Nick shook his head as he read the letter out loud.

"_Nick, I am hoping this short letter finds you and the rest of the family well. You were right in asking me what I was thinking when I let Ward try to break the horse in. I don't blame you for being ashamed to call me brother. I hope someday you will feel like you don't have to feel that way anymore. I sincerely hope Nora is not back in the saloon. I have wired money into our account for her. Please make sure she gets it. I need to close now. We are leaving Genoa in the morning. Love, Heath."_

"Genoa!" Audra stared, "That's in Nevada! I wonder if he's still there."

"We?" Victoria looked at her middle son, "Does it say who he's with at all?"

Nick looked at the letter again and shook his head, "Nope, just says he's leaving Genoa."

Jarrod stood up, "I'm going to send a telegram to the Pinkerton Agency right now. I'll be back as soon as I can!"

"Make sure the man knows to tell him what I really said!" Nick hollered as Jarrod opened the door.


	7. Chapter 7

**I do not own 'The Big Valley' nor any of the original Barkley characters.**

**Thanks to my Beta Reader, though all mistakes are still my own.**

**TIME TO HEAL**

**Chapter Seven**

**Scene Thirteen**

Joseph opened the door and stepped into the bunkhouse. Heath was just finishing putting on his boots. "Good morning, Cal." the young man smiled at their newest ranch hand. He liked him. The man, while quiet, was the most dependable hand they had had in a long time.

Heath nodded at the tall, slightly heavy, sixteen year old boy. Joseph had been nothing but polite to him since the day Mr. Miles had hired him, though Heath guessed he asked plenty of questions behind his back. Joseph was always asking questions about everything. That is, he loved learning new things. When he wasn't working the boy was reading and asking questions.

"Mornin'." he stood up and slipped on his gun belt. From where he stood he could see Lynn Miles talking with his youngest daughter, Carrie. The gal couldn't be over four feet three inches, 'course, she was only ten year old too.

Once outide Heath could see twelve year old Robert and fourteen year old Melissa having a bit of a spat. He wasn't surprise when he heard their mother call out the window. "Quit your fightin' and get your work done!" The woman didn't stand for anyone standing back and letting someone else do their work for them.

Lynn turned around when he heard Heath and Joseph approaching. Heath was sure if the wind blew hard enough it would just pick the man right up and carry him away, he was that thin. His hair was brownish, with patches of snow running through it. "Good, I was hoping I could talk to you both at once."

"What is it, father?" Joseph asked, hoping their work load wasn't about to be made any heavier than it was. After all, still being short a couple of hands made the work drag on forever, or so it seemd.

"I need you to go into town and get a few things for your mother, son. Cal here can go with you." Lynn answered as he handed his son a list of things, and handed Heath the money. With all due respect to his son, the lad was too impulsive at times.

"Make sure you get everything!" Sue Ellen stuck her head out the window, "I dont' need to find myself having to make a recipe up 'cause you forgot something!" 'Again!' she thought as she shut the window.

Heath had to smile. The woman was gentle as a lamb, unless you crossed her or didn't listen to her. If you did that, you would be better off fighting a whole group of Indian braves. It would be less painful. Turning around, they got their horses.

As they went into the barn Lorilee caught Heath's eyes. She was feeding the few chickens her mother insisted on keeping. Her dishwater blonde hair was being tossed around by the wind, which was blowing just hard enough to play games with people. He couldn't help but smile.

'_I don't want to hear another word about it. I still think you're wrong, something has to be wrong with the picture! What your telling me, and how you're describing your family doesn't mix!' _Those had been her words to him just the night before.

He sighed and went for his horse. His head was telling him to listen to her; his heart was still too full of pain to hear the words though. Soon he and Joseph had their horses, and were riding towards town.

**Scene Fourteen**

"Hello, Joseph, Cal!" Mr. Waters looked up from the store receipts he had laid out before him. He hated it when Mrs. Waters was away visiting relatives; after all, it was his wife who did all the paperwork. That is, as a general rule she was.

He chuckled and asked, "Don't you get enough visitors out at the ranch? You have to come an pester me?"

"We're fine thank you," Joseph laughed and handed the man the list, "No visitors , but Father and mother wants us to pick everything on that list." The young man then turned to Heath, "I'll be right back. I have to go see Mr. Cofee for a moment. Mr. Cofee was the local blacksmith.

Mr. Waters waited until the lad was out of the store then looked at Heath. He thought about the visitor who had passed through town. Maybe the Miles' new hand could help him, "Do you know a Heath Thompson?"

Heath was glad he was already leaning on the counter, he might have fallen over if he hadn't. "Why do you ask?" he knew, since the day Jeffery had started calling him Cal, he had never gone by anything else.

"Some fellow came through here a couple of days ago. He was asking if there was a Heath Thompson living in the area. I told him I only knew a Cal Thompson. That's actually the real reason I asked about visitors."

"What did he look like?" Heath stepped away from the counter.

"Oh, he stood roughly five feet six inches tall. Black, curly, hair. Said his name Wesley Thompson, a cousin of this Heath fellow."

Heath didnt' like that. He had no cousin by that name, or that description. "Can't help you, sorry."

Mr. Waters shrugged his shoulders, as he began gathering up the items on Mrs. Miles' list. "Don't worry about it. I'd just thought I'd ask, in case he comes back, you know?"

**0000**

Lorilee stood in the kitchen and waited until Heath and her brother finished bring everything in her mother had asked for before she started talking. "What's wrong, Cal?"

'How does she do that?' Heath wasn't sure he liked the way she had of seeing through him.

"Nothing that either one of us can do anything about. I'll be fine." he turned and walked out of the room. A part of her wanted to hug him until all the hurt, pain and anger left him; the other side of her wanted to slap him upside the head!

"Men!" she muttered as she went back to work, "They're more stubborn than some mules I know," she looked out the window as Heath disappeared out of sight, "especially that one! So," she chuckled to herself, "How come I like him so much!"


	8. Chapter 8

**I do not own 'The Big Valley' nor any of the original Barkley characters.**

**Thanks to my Beta Reader, though all mistakes are still my own.**

**TIME TO HEAL**

**Chapter Eight**

**Scene Fifteen**

The sun bore down unmercifully as Heath and Jeffery worked on mending some of the fence line his brother had asked them to take care of. Out of the corner of his eye Jeffery could see Lorilee approaching; she had a basket with her. "I think we missed something, again," He laughed and stepped away from the fence; Heath did the same.

"You two need to keep track of time," Lorilee teased as she approached them, "You missed lunch."

Jeffery knew his sister in law well enough to know what her philosophy was, "I'm surprised Sue let you bring the food out here. She's always telling the men if they miss lunch it's their own fault." While he was speaking he caught the looks that were being exchanged between Heath and Lorilee, "Tell you what, give me my food and I'll face my sister in law's wrath."

Heath looked at him, "You don't have to do that. Lorilee brought the food out here to us. Why deal with an irritated sister in law?" Jeffery only chuckled as he took the sandwich Lorilee handed him and walked off.

Lorilee set the basket down and then handed Heath a sandwich of his own. "I think we scare him," she looked at Jeffery disappearing out of sight. That was fine with her, she didn't want the extra company anyway.

"He should be scared," Heath gave her a lopsided grin as his eyes laughed. She loved the fact that he was loosening up around her more, now if he'd only let the past really go and heal. She had; even her family said so.

"Mother and most of the family is going to travel to back to Genoa. Mama's sister just moved there," she leaned up against the wagon Heath and Jeffery had brought out that morning.

Heath was shocked to find himself actually fearing she might be saying she was going with them. "Mother wants me to go with them," she looked at Heath. She had finally admitted how much she liked Heath and found herself hoping he'd show some sign, any sign, he didn't want her to go.

Heath finished his sandwich and looked at her. He wasn't blind, but she needed to know the truth about him before things went any further. "I'm a bastard." he stated flatly. He was pleasantly surprised when she did not flinch.

Now why on earth would he think that should make a difference to her? Hadn't they had enough talks to give him an idea of how she felt on various things? Lorilee shook her head, "I really don't care for that word. You're a human being who had the dumb luck of being born without your father around. Surely, the fact that you turned out to be such a good man should say something for you? Only, you said you had family. I'm confused and I don't like being confused, Cal."

Heath sighed as he explained what had happened and when he had joined the Barkley family, "Guess Nick is wishing he hadn't accepted me into the family now." Once more pain shot through the center of his heart. While he was slowly coming to terms with Wards death, Nick's rejection of him was something he didn't think he'd ever get over.

Lorilee found her blood boiling, "Stop talking like that! If he is the kind of man you describe then something's wrong with the puzzle. I can't force you to go back and see which pieces have been put in wrong, and I feel strongly they _have_ been put in wrong, only at least think on it? No brother who has that much loyalty and love to, and for, his family would feel like that. Well, not feel like it for long anyway, if you are indeed right. Though, if I may be so bold, why is your last Thompson and theirs Barkley, I mean if they accepted you and all?"

"They all call me Barkley; I just never got around to legally changing it. You know, you talk too much." Heath took a chance and pulled her to him. She was shocked to find the feel of his chest against her, and his mouth touching her lips, sending tremors through her. For a few seconds she could do nothing but hold on to him.

Lorilee knew her mother would get on her case if she was gone too long. "I better get back to the house." she made herself let go, stepped away and started to leave.

"Are you going to Genoa?" the corner of his mouth turned up as he kept his eyes on her.

"Maybe not," Lorilee answered as she walked away. The slight bounce in her step did not go unnoticed by Heath. He started grinning as he went back to work.

**Scene Sixteen**

Lorilee whistled as she worked in the kitchen. She'd been doing that a lot lately, whistling that is. Her brothers had made it a habit of teasing her about it. They even made sure Heath about it. That part, them informing Heath about it, did embarrass her a litte. Still, she kept whistling.

Her mother and all her siblings but Joseph had left the day before. Sue Ellen had not exactly been quiet about the fact that her oldest daughter had refused to make the trip with them. The young woman had to chuckle as she remembered how her father had said, "_It is YOU who decided to take the children to Genoa. If Lorilee wants to stay here, I'll not be fighting her."_

When Heath came barreling into the house she dropped the wooden spoon in surprised, but was sent into shock as he lifted up the door to the cellar, grabbed her and practically drug her down the steps, after closing the door. "What is going on, Cal?" she demanded as he hid her behind some boxes. He would have answered her, but the sound of the renegade Paiute warriors answered her question. She, without thinking, grabbed a hold of Heath.

Neither one of them spoke while they listened the gunshots going off and endured the smell of burning wood. "Father! Joseph!" she pulled away in horror as she looked into the tormented look in Heath's eyes, she realized it had been on Heath's face from the moment he'd entered the house.

"He begged me not to stay and fight them," Heath answered, "He begged me to get back to the house and hide you. I was going to go back after I hid you, but," he looked up at the cellar's roof, "I guess, there wasn't enough time."

"They never give you any time," her voice was filled with bitterness. Heath was shocked to have it hit him that she was talking from experience.

"You've had this happen before?" he looked at her stunned.

She nodded slowly, "When I was visiting some friends not ten miles from here. I was fifteen at the time. I was only spared because I had been out riding. When I got back 'they' were gone and it was too late." she answered. Heath held her close.

After a few moments he said, "I can take you to Genoa," She only held on tighter.

0000

Lorilee stood motionless as Heath finished burying her father, brother, Jeffery and the two ranch hands the renegade Paiute's had killed. She didn't know what to feel, how to feel or what to think. Her mother was going to be devastated when she learned what had happened.

Heath patted the last of the earth down with the shovel he'd been using and walked over to Lorilee. "You going to be okay?" He laid the shovel up against the tree she was standing by and took her in his arms.

"I will be; I always am." She then laid her head against his chest, "They had no right attacking us, Cal. We didn't do anything to them. What reason did they have? I don't see it."

"Any human being like that finds any excuse they think they need," Heath held her with one arm while stroking the back of her head with his free hand, "I'm just glad I was able get to you in time," he pulled her head back gently and wiped away her tears.

All of a sudden she didn't want to go anywhere, she feared it meant he would be leaving her too. She didn't want that. As if he could read her mind Heath looked at her, "We can talk about other things on the way to Genoa. I promise." She laid her head back up against his chest and continued holding onto him.


	9. Chapter 9

**I do not own 'The Big Valley' nor any of the original Barkley characters.**

**Thanks to my Beta Reader, though all mistakes are still my own**

***I didn't have much luck when trying to find out what the area around Genoa, Nevada (or within fifty miles of it) looked like so, if it doesn't have a lot of small streams in the area? I'm claiming writer's liberty.**

**TIME TO HEAL**

**Chapter Nine**

**Scene Seveteen**

Lorilee laughed as she knelt down by the stream and threw a small handful of water at Heath; she missed him by a mile. They'd been traveling for a few hours and had stopped by a stream for a break. Heath started chasing her, she laughed knowing full well he'd catch her, sooner or later. He did.

Swinging her around, Heath soon had her pinned up against a tree, "Start a fight and you may wind up losing," he chuckled as his eyes laughed. He still hurt, but the pain wasn't near as bad as before, "or is that winning?" His face was no more than an inch away from hers when an arrow embedded itself into the tree he had her up against. He grabbed her and practically flew behind a boulder that set nearby.

He had his gun out before they hit the ground. Lorilee crouched down as low as she could get while Heath carefully looked around the edge of the boulder. If the brave who had shot the arrow wanted a second chance at them he made the mistake of stepping into Heath's view just long enough for him to get a shot off. The brave screamed then fell to the ground, dead.

The silence in the air sent chills down Lorilee's back. Where there was one Paiute brave she was sure there was another one, and they were far from Genoa. After what seemed like forever, it was actually fifteen minutes, Heath ventured to stand up. Nothing but the wind flew through the air. He helped Lorilee up to her feet.

"I thought they traveled in groups," Lorilee said as she looked around. Heath didn't speak for a moment then said, "Guess not, at least, not this time. We'd best get moving. I'm surprised he didn't let our horses go first," he said as he untied the horses that had, somehow, found their way back to the ranch after the Paiute's attack.

As they rode Lorilee found herself remembering out loud, "They sort of remind me of the soldiers who would come by my aunt's place." Having never really talked to Heath about her experiences while staying at her aunt's place, Heath was shocked to hear she had any memories of the war.

"How?" He asked as they rode side by side.

"They don't know how, or when, to stop fighting," she shook her head as she explained how, and what, she'd done to help her aunt, "They kept fighting, probably will for a long time." She then related everything she remembered about the war.

Heath realized just how young she must have been, "You've been through he.." he cut his words short, she was still a lady.

Lorilee turned her head, "The word is hell. I don't think it's cussing when one uses it as it is meant to be used," she then paused took a chance, "Is that where your scars come from? From being in the war too young?"

Heath jerked slightly, "How did you know about the scars?" Few people, outside his own family knew about them.

Her eyebrows raised slightly, "You think I'd let a sick man lie in a wagon for days on end and not bathe him at least once?" She hoped he wasn't going to be mad at her. He wasn't.

"No, I don't suppose you would," Heath relaxed and gave her a slight smile, "And, yes, I was in the war, but I got the scars while in Cartersen." He went on to tell his story. He figured if she knew about the scars, she might as well know all the details.

**Scene Eighteen**

Mile after mile Lorilee was starting to feel the effects of their journey, which had proven to be longer than they'd expected. Good thing Heath was a good shot; they couldn't afford to waste any bullets. When Heath brought the horses to a stop, Lorilee looked around. "What is it?" She was halfway afraid he'd sensed the presence of more Paiutes.

Heath stopped his horse and dismounted. Lorilee gasped as she saw where he was heading. A black haired gentleman lay on the ground with an arrow in his back! Heath knelt down and turned him over. '...f_ive feet six inches tall, black, curly, hair. Said his name Wesley Thompson..' _Mr. Waters words came back to him. '_Don't know what you wanted with me, but you should have just stayed in the city'_ At least, Heath assumed by the fancy clothes the stranger wore he came from the city.

"What are we going to do with him? We have no way to bury him." Lorilee felt bad for the man, no one should have to die alone, out in the middle of nowhere. "

"I'll figure something out." Heath stood up and started looking around.

0000

Thanks to having to take the time to take care of the said Mr. Rice, they lost a lot of valuable time. By the time it started getting dark they'd only gone a few more miles. Heath brought his horse to a stop.

"What is it now?" Lorilee was almost afraid to ask.

Heath gave her one of his lop sided grins as he dismounted. "If you haven't noticed, sun's going to sleep; we need to make camp." He helped her down. He was reading her like a book, she didn't know whether she liked that or not.

Thank goodness they were near another small stream. This time Lorilee simply knelt down and scooped up some water for herself. Heath did the same.

"We've only got another ten miles and we'll be there." Heath handed her a bedroll, and then proceeded to get his.

Once Lorilee was done she stood by the small stream and listened to the sound of the water rippling over the rocks. The night air was starting to get a bit nippy. It's a good thing they'd be in Genoa the next day, or she'd be extremely worried.

Heath stood by his horse and watched Lorilee for a few minutes, finally admitting that no matter what he did, or did not, have to offer he was in love with her. He walked up to her, "Once we get to Genoa, would you argue if I talked to your mother 'bout seriously courting you?"

Lorilee beamed, "I wouldn't mind that at all, only," she paused, "What about your family, Cal? No matter what they still have the right to at least know you're alive."

"I wrote them," he confessed as he looked at her. He told her about the money he'd sent too, "It won't give Nora her husband back, but it will still help. Let's not worry about it right now." He wrapped his arm around her and enjoyed talking with her for a while before they lay down to sleep.

Lorilee was alseep within minutes; Heath was a different story. He lay wide awake as his mind wandered over the miles he'd traveled, the many miles that now separated him from his family. It was at least another hour before he could relax enough to go to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**I do not own 'The Big Valley' nor any of the original Barkley characters.**

**Thanks to my Beta Reader, though all mistakes are still my own**

**I tried to find out what kind of weather Genoa Nevada was known for having but I couldn't find anything. So, it this is 'off'...sorry.**

**TIME TO HEAL**

**Chapter Ten**

**Scene Nineteen**

Lorilee stood at the home her aunt and uncle were letting her mother and siblings live in. The place was small, but not too small. A kitchen, front room and two bedrooms made up the home. At the time, her mother's exact words had been, _"Melissa and Carrie will just have to put up sharing a room with her mother. At least, we have a roof over our heads and we're together."_

Heath was helping Robert stack wood. "He's a good one," Mrs. Miles walked up beside her daughter, "Are you sure you're not getting too close though?" While her late husband had talked up a storm, when it came to Cal, he'd also told his wife a number of times, '_Cal's running from something I can feel it. Oh, I don't mean the law, but there's something he's not facin'. I hope Lorilee doesn't wind up getting hurt._' She worried about the same thing.

Lorilee kept her eyes on Heath. Was she? The more she thought on it the more she had to smile. What with the way her father had been, the way her mother still was, there were a lot of things she didn't know. Still, "And if I am? Would you try and stop us?" she looked at her mother.

Mrs. Miles only shook her head and sighed, "You're nigh on twenty one years old now. I'm not about to try to tell you who, or who not, to see. It's just that," she paused then looked from her daughter to Heath, then back again, "When you marry someone, anyone, you not only enjoy the good times with them; you hold on tight during the bad times. Are you really willing to make that kind of commitment to a man who won't speak about his past?"

Lorilee had to bite her tongue to keep from telling her mother everything she already knew. But, she hadn't told her father; why should she tell her mother?

"I'm fine mother. Don't worry about it. All he did was ask you if he could seriously court me and, as you just said, I'm nigh on twenty-one years old."

Seeing she was 'getting nowhere' with her daughter she turned and went back into the house. Lorilee waited until the woman had disappeared inside then walked over to where Heath and her brother was working.

"Everything okay?" Heath finished the last of the wood as Robert ran off. He'd seen the way Mrs. Miles was talking to Lorilee. He figured he pretty well knew the subject of the discussion.

"It's fine, Mother's just being mother," Lorilee slid her arms around Heath's waist.

"I have to be back over to the dressmaker's in a little while. Have time to go on a short walk?"

"I think I can spare some time," Heath took a moment to give her a kiss first. He was sure that was irritating Mrs. Miles as well; then again, anything could set that woman off lately. He was sure it was her grief talking though, so he said nothing.

**0000**

Nick, Audra and Victoria were sitting around the table when Jarrod walked in and sat down. One look at the troubled look upon his face and they knew something was up. "What is it, son?" Victoria asked as she looked upon her oldest.

He reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a telegram. "It's from the Pinkerton Agency."

Nick's eyebrows turned down and he scowled, "He's not in Nevada anymore, is he?"

Jarrod scratched the back of his neck, "They said their man asked around Genoa and all the areas that were within fifty miles of it. He wired them saying he couldn't find anyone that knew a Heath Barkley or even a Heath Thompson. Their man said, I quote, 'There are no Barkleys in the area, the only Thompson anyone has ever heard of is a fellow by the name of Cal. They said he was supposed to still be looking, only they haven't heard from him yet,'" he paused then said, "So, how come I can't shake the feeling he _is _in that area?"

With the first of the winter snow/rain hitting everywhere they all knew it would be hard for anyone to be doing any traveling. "If he's not back by spring," Nick said, putting down his fork, "I'm going to Genoa myself; that is, once the spring round up is over." He then stood up and walked out of the room.

**Scene Twenty**

Heath threw another log into the woodstove that sat in the Tillman's bunkhouse. The short days and long nights gave him plenty of time to think. '_If he's the kind of man you describe...something's wrong with the puzzle'. _Lorilee's words came back to him. He stood next to the window and watched the snow fall. He _knew _what he had heard; still, for the first time since the last of their many talks concerning the matter Heath began thinking about going back to Stockton.

When the door to the bunkhouse opened he was shocked to see Lorilee standing by Mrs. Tillman. The older woman laughed as she saw his widened eyes and slightly lowered jaw. "I told her no sane person would be out visiting anyone in this kind of weather."

"Hey, don't blame this all on me," Lorilee laughed and jokingly shook her finger at Mrs. Tillman, _ "Who _visited whom first?"

Mrs. Tillman really busted up laughing, "Okay, so I left out one minor detail," the woman grinned, "Why don't the two of you come into the house. While I'm sure the two of you would behave yourself, I'm not serving lunch in two separate places."

Heath gave the woman a lopsided grin as he slipped his arm around Lorilee's waist and walked towards the Tillman home. Once inside Lorilee insisted on giving Mrs. Tillman at least a little bit of help in the kitchen. Once she was through Lorilee stepped back into the Tillman's living room; Heath was leaning up against the fireplace watching the wood burn. She'd gotten to know him well enough to know when something was troubling him. With Christmas coming, Lorilee had a pretty good idea what it was.

"Am I going to get my head bit off if I suggest you at least write them for Christmas?" Lorilee walked up beside him.

Heath stepped away from the fireplace and pulled her to him, "I'm going back to Stockton, once winter is over with that is. I don't know what will come of it; only I'm going. I want you to come with me."

Lorilee stared. One look at his face told her the man was serious. "Cal, we can't travel together, unless you meant to ask someone to come along. Who on earth did you have in mind?

"It's Heath," he slowly answered, "Cal was just a nickname that Jeffery gave me. I'm not asking anyone else. I'm asking you to come with me as my wife."

Before she could answer they heard a joyous holler coming from the slightly opened door. "No matter what anyone may say, if you say no, you're crazy!" Mrs. Tillman's voice rang through the air. That had Heath and Lorilee laughing hard.

Lorilee slid her arms up his chest and around his neck. "I always wanted to be married on Christmas Eve. Don't ask me why, but I did. We could get married then, couldn't we? I know we wouldn't have that many guests, but I never could stand too large a crowd anyway. Is that okay with you?"

"It's just fine." Heath let himself savor the taste of her lips until he heard Mrs. Tillman's footsteps approaching the door. They both quickly separated not wishing to give the woman any ammo she didn't already have.

0000

Once again Jarrod sat down at the table, only this time he was grinning as he handed Nick a letter. Victoria and he watched as the man, once he realized who it was from, ripped it opened in a split second. As he read Nick shook his head, "You were right Jarrod, the Pinkertons missed him."

Victoria did her best to contain her excitement, "He's in the Genoa area then?"

"Post mark says Genoa, Nevada. He has to be living in that area somewhere." He answered as he began reading the letter out loud,

_'Dear Nick_

_It's been almost a year now and I'm hoping you have forgiven me because I don't like idea of being thrown off the ranch by my own brother..."_

"Being thrown off the ranch!" Jarrod interrupted as he found his heart skip a beat, "He's coming home then?"

Nick looked rather annoyed, "I thought it was me who was supposed to be the one to interrupt people."

Jarrod chuckled, "Sorry, I'm human and I slipped. Go on."

Nick gave him a soft glare, and chuckled as he started reading again, "_As soon as it becomes safe to travel Lorilee.."_

"Lorilee? Who's Lorilee?" Audra asked as she walked in. Victoria and Jarrod couldn't help but chuckle as Nick scowled, "If people would let me finish reading this letter from Heath we just might found out!"

Heath! Audra quickly shut up and sat down.

Nick shook his head and started over, "_..Lorilee and I are planning on coming to Stockton once winter is over. Guess I should say, by the time you get this letter I will have married. I'd like to make things right between us, between all of us, if I can, if you all will let me. Merry Christmas. Your brother, Heath. P.S. If you still feel the same way just tell the train station. We have no desire to bother anyone if you do. Have a Merry Christmas too.' _

"Bother us! That boy needs to be slapped upside the head! How can he think I'd thrown him off the ranch?" Nick exploded.

"Well," Jarrod thought for a moment, then said, "If we are to be fair to him, we need to remember how it was when he first got here. And, I suppose," he turned his hands up and sighed, "I guess we'd even understand why, after he heard what little he did, he took off. It's not like he'd been here all that long."

Victoria nodded slightly, "I suppose you have a point there. He would still have been very unsure of his place here and," she looked at Nick, "still needing his brother's approval very badly."

Nick felt pangs of guilt shoot through him; she was right, he had been so long in accepting Heath that 'the boy' would have just cause to be deeply hurt by what he thought he'd heard. "He'd best just hurry home the first chance he gets!"


	11. Chapter 11

**I do not own 'The Big Valley' nor any of the original Barkley characters.**

**Thanks to my Beta Reader, though all mistakes are still my own**

**TIME TO HEAL**

**Chapter Eleven**

**Scene Twenty-One**

Heath watched as Lorilee's Uncle Albert walked his niece up the aisle. She and her mother had compromised, they had a church wedding; however, there were only a handful of guests present.

Heath's crooked smile could have lit up the entire town of Genoa as he looked upon the woman walking towards him. Her mother and aunt had sewn a simple white dress for her, and attached white lace to the top of the dress. White flowers had also been added to the bottom. Once Lorilee was standing next to Heath, her uncle sat down next to her aunt.

As soon the ceremony was over everyone headed over to her Uncle Albert's home. Soon the music was playing and Heath and Lorilee were dancing. "Tell me this is gonna be over soon," Lorilee whispered under her breath as the two danced inside her uncle's home. The same guests who'd attended the wedding were standing off to the side of the large front room.

Heath whispered in her ear, "Can't be over soon enough for me either." That made Lorilee chuckle softly. She was more than overjoyed when all the dances and visiting were over. It meant they could head to their new home.

**000**

Heath used his foot to push the door to the two bedroom home the Tillman's were letting Heath and Lorilee live in '_for as long as the two of you need it_'. "Are you gonna put me down?" Lorilee laughed as Heath stood in the small front room with her in his arms.

For a moment, Heath did not answer then he set her down and held her face in hands. She didn't know what to make of the look on his face; it was a mixture of happiness and disbelief.

"Something wrong?" she laid her hands on his chest.

He shook his head slightly, "I'm still having a hard time believing you're my wife, even when I can't promise you I'll ever be able to do more than put a simple roof over your head and food on the table." Heath lowered his head and started kissing her gently at first then with more passion. He stiffened as her hands found their way underneath his shirt.

"All I need is you, C..Heath," Lorilee whispered as his mouth moved to the side of her face and his hands unbuttoned her wedding dress, "all I want is you. I'll live with anything else."

Heath slid her wedding dress off and laid her down near the Christmas tree, "How about letting me open my Christmas gift a tad early?" he tossed his shirt aside.

Lorilee didn't argue as she ran her hands down his back. She may not know everything that a man needed from his wife, but she was more than willing to learn.

**Scene Twenty-Two**

Lorilee looked around the small two home that already held a lot of good memories for her, everything from good old hard work to the laughter she, Heath, her family and friends had shared. A part of her didn't want to leave, but they had to. Her husband would never really have the peace of mind he so desperately needed if they stayed. Turning around, she picked up her coat and walked out the front door.

Heath was just finishing saddling their horses. Mr. and Mrs. Tillman were talking with Heath. Her mother and siblings had been there earlier then left. They had told Mrs. Miles just enough to keep her from arguing with them leaving. They would have told her more, but she was still very much grieving and would come up with the darnest things as it was.

"You sure you can't wait a little while longer?" Mrs. Tillman looked at her and asked, concern was on her face and in her voice, "The trouble with the Paiutes may have died quite a bit, but there's danger that exists."

Lorilee saw the look Heath shot her. She knew all she had to do was say the word and he'd stay. For a split second she thought about it, then shook her head, "No, we have to go. Thanks for everything."

"Don't get us wrong," Mr. Tillman had looked up at the woman he considered to be one of his own, "We sincerely hope and pray the Barkleys are there to welcome you both with open arms. Just know this, if they are not, hightail it back here! Our door is always open to you and," he looked at Heath, "that includes you, Cal." The man had never been able to switch the names, and Heath saw no reason to even try to get him to; after all, only a couple people even knew his real name as it was.

"Thanks," Heathshook Mr. Tillman's hand.

As Heath and Lorilee rode towards town, they'd told Mrs. Miles they would stop by and see her and the children before leaving, the Tillmans watched them go. "I hope they'll be okay," Mrs. Tillman put her hands on her hips, "I hate to think of anything happening to them as they travel. Besides, why do they have to move to California? Yes, I know he's mentioned having family there, but they could keep in touch by writing!"

Mr. Tillman shook his head. He figured life was life and, no matter what, you got good times and bad times wherever you lived. Besides, if the Thompsons said they had to go to California they did. Unlike his wife, he didn't figure it was his business to press for more answers than they wanted to give. "If they wanted the whole town to know they'd have told you." That earned him a glare and one wife stomping back into the house. He only laughed; his wife was so loveable and generous, still had a mouth on her though!

**0000**

The wind was starting to whip through the air; thank goodness it wasn't quite hard enough to throw any dirt up into their faces. An occasional hawk could be seen flying through the air and, occasionally, a small rabbit, or other small animal, said hello as it hurried along its way. Neither Lorilee nor Heath said a word as they were both deep in thought, mostly concerned with what they'd do if the outcome they both hoped for did not take place.

By the time they reached Carson City the sun was starting to set. The streets were almost bare and the stillness extremely close to deafening. When a couple of drunks came out of the saloon shooting their guns off it spooked their horses; Heath was able to get Charger settled back down, but Lorilee was thrown from her horse. By the time Heath got to her the sheriff, and others, had found their way to the scene.

"Tom!" the sheriff turned to one of his deputies, "Get these two down to the jail! Hank! Get the doctor!" the lawman hurried over to where Heath was kneeling besides his unconscious wife.

"Lorilee! Open your eyes, please!" Heath begged as he laid his hand on her chest, relieved to feel a strong pulse, but still very much afraid. He couldn't lose her now, he just couldn't.


	12. Chapter 12

**I do not own 'The Big Valley' nor any of the original Barkley characters.**

**Thanks to my Beta Reader, though all mistakes are still my own**

**TIME TO HEAL**

**Chapter Twelve**

**Scene Twenty-Three**

Nick's eyebrows turned down as he read the telegram that had just been delivered to the Barkley home. "What is it, Nick?" Audra and Jarrod had just entered the living room.

"It's from Heath. It just says, 'Been delayed. Still hoping to work things out once we get there'. It was sent from Carson City." He felt like a child at Christmas. He could 'see' his Christmas gift, it was within 'reach per se' and yet he couldn't open it. He hated it! He wanted his brother back and he wanted him back yesterday!

He didn't have to tell them how he felt; they knew. Ever since they'd received the second letter winter had dragged its feet through the snow slower than molasses coming out of a tree. "We just have to be patient," Jarrod sighed, "at least he's coming home. Once he and his wife get here we just need to make it crystal clear he _is_ a part of this family, no matter what happens in our lives." He spoke to both siblings, but looked at Nick.

Nick put the telegram in his vest pocket and headed for the door, "I have work to do." Neither Jarrod nor Audra tried to stop him; they knew work was the best thing for their brother at that moment.

**0000**

Heath sat next to the bed the doctor had had the men lay Lorilee in. It was two in the morning and she'd not yet opened her eyes. '_Good news is, best I can tell, there are no broken bones. 'If she's not awake soon though, we may a major problem on our hands' _Those had been the doctor's words to him just a half hour before.

Heath held her left hand in his and traced her wedding ring with his right thumb. A single tear ran down his cheek, "You gotta wake up, girl," he always called her girl when nervous or upset in any way, for any reason, "you just have to. I don't know that I can face my family without you by my side."

'_Watch out below!' Lorilee was standing in the loft of the barn as Heath walked by. Before he knew it hay was falling all over him. He'd run into the barn and caught Lorilee just as she was hurrying down the ladder, soon they laughing and __rolling in the hay. _

"_Best be careful when you start a war," Heath looked down at his wife, "you have allies around to help you." What with the Tillmans, and everyone else, in town for various reasons, work was quickly forgotten as Heath lowered his head and started kissing his wife._

One memory after another was flooding his mind when Lorilee slowly opened her eyes and left out a small groan. Heath's head flew up and his own eyes flew open. "W...what happened?" Lorilee asked as she blinked her eyes.

"It was those drunks, the ones that came out of the saloon, remember?" He answered as he kept his eyes on his wife; she was still blinking her eyes. It made him nervous.

"What is it, girl? What's wrong?" Heath leaned a bit closer as Lorilee turned her face towards him. One look into his wive's face had him feeling as if someone had double up their fist, and hit him in the stomach. He knew before she said a word what had happened.

"I..I can't see you, Heath. I can't see you!" her eyes widened in fear.

"Doc!" Heath hurried to the front of the doctor's office, soon the gentleman was by Lorilee and examing her.

**Scene Twenty-Four**

Heath led Lorilee to her horse and put the reins in her hands; then he mounted Charger. It didn't take Lorilee but a few seconds to mount her horse.

_'There's pressure on the optic nerve. Apparently, when she fell she hit the back of her head. There is some sight. She __**can**__ tell light from darkness. She may, or may not, see again. I can not say for sure'. _As soon as he'd heard those words, Heath had determind to give her the same kind of support she'd given him ever since they'd met, and that meant making sure he didn't cripple her with his concern.

As they passed the jail the sheriff stepped out and stopped them. He felt horrible for the young woman before him. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what happened. I need to know if you want to press any charges."

Heath looked at Lorilee, "Do you?" a part of him did only he was going to leave it up to her.

She knew pressing charges meant sticking close by; she didn't want to do that. "No, they have to live with themselves and that will be bad enough. Let's get goin'. Time's a wasting." Thanks to the fact that her horse had flat out gone nuts when they'd tried to get him into one of the train's boxcars they had a lot of miles. They hoped by that time that Lorilee's horse would consent to get into one of the boxcars meant for animals.

Once they were out of town Heath kept his eyes wide open. The way people were talking the trouble with the Paiutes was dying down, but he didn't want to relax only to be surprised by any of the renegade warriors.

The morning hours seemed to drag on forever. He would have liked to travel faster, but, until Lorilee got used to focusing on the noises around her, he didn't dare. As they rode around a bend in the road Heath pulled up his reins. Lorilee, hearing Heath stop, did the same. "What is it?"

For a moment Heath said nothing. Off to their right sat a wagon; a man, woman and a young boy lay on the ground with arrows either in their backs or in their chests. Heath shook his head, "I wish that horse would have gotten on the blasted train. I've got some folks to bury." He answered bluntly.

All of a sudden Lorilee found herself filled with an undescribable fear of being on her horse without Heath next to her. Her heart was racing as she dismounted the animal and stood next to him. Heath, who had found a shovel in the wagon, quickly laid it down and hurried over to his wife. "Are you okay?" he laid his hand on her shoulder.

She wanted to say yes, but she couldn't. "I...I just need to sit down while you bury the poor people." Heath looked from her horse to her, sighing he led her to a nearby rock. Then, after tying up the horses to a tree, he went back to work. By the time he finished there he figured they'd lost at least a couple of hours. Guess there was nothing they could do about it, nothing but continue on their way.

As they continued their journey, he continued keeping his eyes opened. If, by chance, they came across any shelter, he felt strongly they should grab it for the night. "Everything's gonna be all right." he reached over and laid his hand on Lorilee's shoulder for a second. She still looked quite unsettled.

"My head agrees," she smiled weakly at him, "My heart is scared to death."

"Can't say I blame it." Heath's mouth turned up slightly as he turned his attention back to the road ahead of them.


	13. Chapter 13

**I do not own 'The Big Valley' nor any of the original Barkley characters.**

**Thanks to my Beta Reader, though all mistakes are still my own. **

**TIME TO HEAL**

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Scene Twenty-Five**

By the time the sun started thinking to go to bed a small shack came into sight. Heath was relieved; with the Indian problems he wanted more than trees for cover. "Come on," Heath headed for the shack, "looks like we'll have shelter for the night." Soon they were standing inside.

"I hope it's okay we're here," Lorilee stood next to Heath listening to the air blow through the tiny holes that were scattered here and there on the walls. She could feel the breeze coming in; at least it wasn't too cold.

"There's a bed in the left hand corner; you can rest on it if you'd like." Heath said as he walked over to the cupboards and looked inside. There were a few things, but none of them was edible items. That really didn't matter though, with the money her mother and the Tillmans had insisted they take, he'd gotten enough supplies to last a little while.

"Thanks, but no thanks," Lori began 'looking' around the shack herself. A thousand different emotions ran through her as her hands ran over the table, two chairs and the few other things that sat in the place, mostly she found herself both grateful and angry. She was grateful to be alive, but angry at the renegade Paiutes for causing so much unnecessary pain and heartache. She was also angry at the drunks, and with the fear she'd experienced when Heath went to bury the strangers.

Once she finished 'looking' around she sat down on the bed, her mind racing over the past forty-eight hours. She' been through a war, numerous wars, lost her fiance then her own father and brother had been killed, but being thrown from that horse had unnerved her more than she realized. Would she ever see anything again?

Heath turned away from the small window he'd been looking out of. He felt his heart go out to his wife; one look at her unsettle face and he knew she needed to be reassured that, no matter what, his love for her would not change just because of a stupid accident. Walking over to the bed, Heath sat down beside Lorilee. "Remember what you said to me the night we were married?"

Lorilee's mouth dropped slightly opened as she replied, "I said a lot of things. Why are you asking?" They still had such a long way to go she couldn't see why they had to stop.

He took a hold of her shoulders and turned her so she was facing him, "You said '_All I need is you, all I want is you. I'll live with anything else_'," he ran his fingers over her darkened eyes and said, "All _I _want or need is you."

Lorilee bit her lip as she fought to control her emotions. Finally she spoke, "For the way my eyes are working I might as well see nothing and," she choked back a few tears, "I want to see you."

Heath chuckled and took her hands and lifted them to his face, "Boy Howdy, girl, look then! Ain't nobody stoppin' you."

For a moment Lorilee did nothing then, slowly, she ran her fingers over his face. She didn't know why only, somehow, tracing her fingers over his face gave her a clear picture of a man who would stand by her no matter what, and get them back to Stockton in safety. That is, if he could help it at all he would. And, somehow, she saw a man who needed to have his rightful identity given back to him, "You're something else, Heath Barkley," when she felt him stiffen she leaned forward, "You heard me. From everything you've told me about the Barkleys, and the way you've conducted yourself, you can't tell me I can't refer to you as a Barkley." she slid her hands down the side of his neck, "wouldn't mind looking some more." she whispered.

"Ain't nobody stopping you." Heath answered as they lay down on the bed.

**Scene Twenty-Six**

"I don't like it!" Nick was talking quite loud as he stood in the front room. "They should have been here by now!" The fact that the spring roundup was about to begin and Heath and his bride hadn't arrived had him on edge.

"Please, lower voice, Nick..." Victoria wondered if her middle son would ever learn how to do that, lower his voice that is. Jarrod walked in the front door before she could finish her sentence. He held a couple of telegrams in his hands and the expression on his face was one of grave concern.

"What is it, Jarrod?" Audra, who was sitting on the couch looked up at her oldest brother.

All the way home he'd thought on the contents of the telegrams he's received in response to his inquiries. Jarrod handed the papers to Nick and poured himself a drink.

Nick read looked at the first telegram and read it out loud '_That part of Nevada having problems with renegade Paiutes. Not sending any agents to any __place but main cities. Will make inquiries in those places.' _It was from the Pinkerton Agency.

"What does the second one say?" Both Victoria and Audra had stiffened at the mention of the Indian problems.

'_Sheriff in Carson City said a Heath and Lorilee Thompson left Carson City on horseback. Her horse went wild when they tried to get it on the railroad's animal boxcar. Headed to Reno he said.'_

'_Blasted, Heath! While I'm glad you have someone by your side right now, why couldn't you have just confronted me that night! Why did you have to leave!' _Nick threw the telegrams down on the table he stood next to, "They should have gotten on that train!"

Victoria fought the fear that tried to get a hold of her. "Would you leave Coco behind if he flat out refused to get into one of those things?" she looked at him as if to say 'Well?'.

"They'll be fine. They'll make it here." Audra tried to sound convincing, only the tremor in her voice and the fear in her eyes told a different story.

"All we can do is wait." Jarrod took another swallow of his drink, "At least we know they're still heading this way." Nick's only reply was to scowl and head outside, Audra too left the room.

Victoria watched as Jarrod stood looking at the drink in his hand with turned down eyebrows. She knew her son well enough; there was something he wasn't saying.

"What is it, Jarrod?" she stood up and walked over to her son. "What else is there?" She had the right to know.

Sighing, Jarrod pulled out a third telegram and handed it to her. She looked at it. '_Talked to sheriff in Carson City again. He says the Paiutes, and Mrs. Thompson being recently blinded in a freak accident, may be slowing their travel down quite a bit' _It was also from the Pinkerton Agency.

"All we do is pray, son," she handed the telegram back to Jarrod, "And we'll have to tell the others about this later." Victoria turned around and walked out of the room, and outside.

From where she stood she could see Nick mounting Coco. McCall, and some other men, were waiting for him. Maybe, by the end of the cattle drive, Heath and his wife would be home. She hoped so anyway. She was afraid what Nick might get into his head to do if they weren't. Yes, Heath and his wife just had to make it back home, things needed to be set right again.


	14. Chapter 14

**I do not own 'The Big Valley' nor any of the original Barkley characters.**

**Thanks to my Beta Reader, though all mistakes are still my own. **

**TIME TO HEAL**

**Chapter Fourteen **

**Scene Twenty-Seven**

Reno never looked better than it did that day. Due to the fact that Lorilee's horse had again acted up, Heath had put his foot down and found someone willing to buy it. It was bad enough to know she was still having a time of it adjusting to her blindness she didn't need the horse's behavior scaring her constantly. "I promise, I'll get you another horse when we arrive in Stockton."

After making arrangements for Charger to be taken care of in the nearest livery stable, Heath led Lorilee down the busy streets of Reno. "You know, we could just have gone to the train station and caught a train into Sacramento?" Lorilee kept a tight hold of Heath's hand. She'd been raised on ranches, some small and some medium sized, her whole life. Cities might as well be a foreign land to her.

"I know." Heath sighed. What was wrong with him? He _wanted _to see his family again, he wanted to make amends and start fresh, and here he was feeling as scared a child caught with their hands in the forbidden cookie jar.

Lorilee didn't have to ask what was wrong when she heard 'that' sound in his voice, the sound of a frightened boy inside a grown up man's body. "It will be okay, you'll see. We'll be all right."

Heath stopped in his tracks and turned to face her, "I keep telling myself that, but then I remember standing outside the door and the feeling that I got when I heard Nick. What if he still feels the same way? How long will it take me to earn his respect back?"

Lorilee didn't know what to say. She'd never met his brother, Nick; for that matter, she'd never met any of his family. Still, from the way he talked, she couldn't believe any of them would still be holding a grudge against him, not after all this time. "I don't know. Let's not worry 'bout it, we're not there yet."

Once inside the hotel, they checked into their room and lay down. It felt great to be able to just lie on the bed and relax. It wasn't long before they both fell sound asleep. Only problem with sleep, sometimes, is the dreams it brings.

'_Arrows were flying everywhere. Lorilee was standing in the field yelling at them, trying to get them to hear her. The next minute she was flying through the air..'_ She sat up and let out a scream making Heath hit the ceiling before he quickly pulled her to him. "It's okay," he held her as close as he could and kissed the top of her head, "It's okay, we're in Reno, everything's all right."

She continued sobbing, and shaking slightly, for a few moments. "I..I'm s...sorry. I didn't mean to do that."

Heath couldn't believe she felt the need to apologize. "Don't be. It's not your fault." He continued holding her and talking to her for a good fifteen minutes. As nervous as he was, when it came to seeing his family again, he found his eyes turning upwards and thanking the man upstairs they'd made it out of the troubled area alive!

**Scene Twenty-Eight**

Lorilee kept a hold of Heath's hand as he led her down the aisle of the train they'd just boarded. The noise level was almost unbearable to her; the train was that full of passengers who were all talking up a storm. Soon they were seated and headed for Sacramento.

Heath smiled as Lorilee laid her head on his shoulder and laid his head back against his seat. His mind again wandered back through time, back to the first time he'd ever seen Nick. He had to chuckle softly. He couldn't help but think it was a good thing neither one of them had known who the other was at the time. They might have gotten more than a broken bridge and an uninvited bath out of it!

"_Who are you..."_ Nick's voice rang in his ears. _"...Your father's bastard son_!" His answer was just as clear. "Nick, please," Heath found himself whispering to himself, "Please, forgive me."

**0000**

"And I thought Reno had a lot of folks," Lorilee couldn't believe all the people she heard around her as they got off the train in Sacramento, "This is ridiculous. Is Stockton this big?"

He chuckled, "Not quite as big, still growing though. Let's find out which train we need to take to get to Stockton."

Ever since she'd woken up she'd been holding her breath to see if her vision was doing what she thought it was doing. Slowly she asked, "May we see an eye doctor first?"

Heath felt as if someone had pushed him into a brick wall, he was that shocked. "Why?"

"You're still a blur, Heath; everything is, only I can see more than light and dark," she answered.

He found excitement dancing around inside him. Bag the train; in a place this size, he knew they'd have no trouble finding someone to exam his wife!


	15. Chapter 15

**I do not own 'The Big Valley' nor any of the original Barkley characters.**

**Thanks to my Beta Reader, though all mistakes are still my own**

**TIME TO HEAL**

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Scene Twenty-Nine**

Lorilee laid her hand upon Heath's shoulder as he turned and gazed out the window of the train. She could tell by the way his muscles tensed up a bit, that he was thinking of his family, the family they both hoped would be waiting for them at the train station. She couldn't bear the thought of what it would do to her husband if they weren't there. After all, he'd finally come to terms with his friend's death; she didn't care to see what another rejection from his own family would do.

'_If things continue the way they seem to be you should be seeing clearly within six months_' the doctor's words sounded through her mind. All of a sudden she felt very apprehensive. She felt as if she knew them already, what with all the things Heath had told her about them. Still, what would the Barkleys think of her? Would they like her? Would she be able to actually see their faces someday?

Heath turned away from the window; it amazed her when he started speaking as if he'd just heard every word she'd just thought, "If they are at the train station to meet us it means they accept you as well as me," he put his hand on hers, "And if they're not there? It's like you said, at least we know for sure where we stand. Right?"

Lorilee still felt as if all her nerves were on edge, but at least they relaxed enough to make it so she didn't feel like she'd start hyperventilating. She nodded her head, "Right."

'_Mr. Barkley'_ Lorilee thought as she watched the passing scenery_ 'I may not know how things work" up there" only, if by chance your wife and children haven't changed their minds? Could you please intervene somehow? I can't stand the idea Heath hurting again, not like he was before anyway.'_

Growing tired Lorilee lay her head upon Heath's shoulder. His famous lop sided grin appeared on his face as he lifted his arm and laid it on the top of her back, with his hand upon her upper arm. Things were going to be all right, one way or the other; they'd be all right.

**0000**

Heath and Lorilee stood next to Stockton's train station. He'd wired the family before they'd boarded the train, but no one was around to meet them. His heart sank clear down to the bottom of his feet. They hadn't forgiven him. They still held him responsible for Ward's death.

Lorilee felt horrible for her husband. She laid her hand on his arm and said, "They'll come around. You'll see."

He said nothing as he took a hold of Lorilee's arm and started to walk away. They would have to find a place nearby and he'd need work. One way or the other, he _would_ gain their respect back.

As they were walking away, Heath heard a familiar voice call his name; he stopped dead in his tracks. When he heard it again, his heart jumped and he turned around.

"HEATH!" Nick was jumping off his horse and running towards him. Jarrod, Victoria and Audra were not far behind.

Lorilee let go of Heath's arm and gave him a gentle nudge. One of his rare huge grins quickly spread over Heath's face as he yelled, "NICK!" The two men were embracing each other in a matter of seconds.

"Don't EVER pull a stunt like again!" Nick shook him slightly and gave him another embrace, "Don't EVER go taking off like that again! You're a Barkley and you're a member of this family!"

"Yeah!" Audra flew into his arms once Nick had let go of him, "You had us worried sick for you! Nick's been driving us crazy and we've been searching for you ever since you left!"

Victoria stepped forward and embraced Heath for all she was worth, "It's so good to have you home, Heath," she stepped back and smiled at Lorilee, "May I assume this is my new daughter in law?"

Heath's crooked smiled appeared once more as he wrapped his arm around his wife, "Yes, it is, but," he looked at each member of his family, mostly at Nick though, "I thought you were ashamed to call me brother. Why would you be looking for me?"

Nick shook his finger at Heath, partly out of the frustration and partly just to tease him and barked quite loudly, "I may have taken awhile to reconcile myself to the idea you were my brother, but I was not, am not, nor will I ever be ashamed to call you brother!**"**

Now Heath was confused even more. He knew he didn't have any hearing loss.

"But you said you were ashamed to call me a brother. I heard you."

Jarrod stepped forward as Nick looked like he just might totally explode, and they had just gotten Heath back! After embracing his brother also, Jarrod said, "He was talking about Ward's brother, Jeff. Jeff was ashamed to call Ward brother." he pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket, "We all talked it over and," he handed him the paper, "If you will sign this, I can get it filed first thing tomorrow morning."

Lorilee, who was grinning from ear to ear over the fact that she had been right about 'the puzzle pieces', kept an eye on Heath. His eyes were widening as he read the paper. He looked up, "You all _want_ me to legally change my name to Barkley?"

"**You bet we do**!" Nick bellowed louder than he meant to, which made more than one head turn.

As soon as Heath had their things in the wagon his mother had driven to the station, they headed for the ranch.

**Closing Scene**

"..._within six months_'. Six months had brought more than her eye sight back. Lorilee sat up in bed as Heath handed her their newborn son. She couldn't stop the tears that fell down her cheeks as she actually looked upon the infant. She could see every tiny detail, everything from the thin layer of blonde hair down to his ten perfect toes.

"What are you two going to name that little tyke?" Nick opened the door and walked in, followed by Victoria, Jarrod and Audra. Lorilee had downright insisted that they be allowed in after the child was born.

She grinned, looked at Heath and tilted her head ever so slightly in Nick's direction. Heath gave her a crooked grin and, due to conversations they'd had before she ever went into labor, took his son in his arms and walked over to Nick.

The rancher who could handle 'anything' had a look of horror come over his face as Heath placed the infant in his arms. He looked as comfortable as a fish out of water. "What on earth am I supposed to do with him?" Nick looked at Heath and Lorilee, with confusion in his eyes.

"Preferably keep him in your arms," Lorilee chuckled, "The floor's a bit hard. We figured you might as well be the first one after us to hold him; after all, he is your namesake."

Now shock replaced the horrified looked, "My what?" Nick stared at them, and the nephew he now held.

"You're namesake," Heath sat on the bed next to his wife, "His name is Nicholas Joseph Barkley." Lorilee had no problem with their son being named after his brother, if they could give him her brother's name also.

Smiles spread over all of their faces as Nick ran his finger down the side of the child's face and shook his head, "Nicholas Joseph Barkley, if you're anything like your father and uncles, we're in for the time of our lives!"


End file.
